Hey, what's up? The sky! Oh my... worst icebreaker ever, huh? Never mind. Uhm I'm Emily, I'm 22 and yeah I'm strange. Really strange. I'm kind of a wanna-do-everything person. Accordingly my blog is some kind of a music-movie-quote-british actor-reading-writing-shipping-a whole lot of fandoms-statements-etcetera-mashup and know what, I'm happy with that. And well then there are my unhealthy addictions. That includes Benedict »I can't find words to describe your perfection« Cumberbatch, Ben »the beautiful« Barnes, Matthew »the handsome and breathtaking« MacFadyen, Johnny »the older the better« Depp, Dimitri »the I wish you were real« Belikov, the »still sailing in my heart« RMS Titanic and yup James Cameron's Titanic too, and further Sherlock, Jane Austen's Books – Pride & Prejudice became something like my bible – Wuthering Heights, Chronicles of Narnia and Vampire Academy and Warm Bodies. These are the ones what my blog is mostly about. It's like the pictorialization of my heart & soul. Did I mention that I talk too much? Okay that's it and I hope you enjoy the heart-on-tongue blog of a very awkward girl :)
You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
It’s also just rude and disrespectful to patently ignore what someone has told you regarding their personal space, body, and time. Get a clue.
I will always reblog this. Always.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone.
You’re now talking to a random stranger, say hi!
You: [They broke up about a month ago since they fought a lot about John wanting to join the military] Hey, I realised I still have your jumper, the beige one you gave me to sleep in. Do you want it back? SH (17)
Stranger: I suppose so. You have my address, just mail it to me. JW(19)
You: Actually I was hoping I could keep it.. but okay, I will. SH
Stranger: If you wanted to keep it, you shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t even notice it was gone. Just keep it and.. stop texting me. JW
You: John… SH
Stranger: What, Sherlock? JW
You: Do you already know when you gotta go? SH
Stranger: One month. JW
You: Wow… okay that’s soon. SH
Stranger: I’m going, that’s not changing. JW
You: Yeah, I got that… SH
Stranger: So, stop texting me. We broke up, I’m leaving end of story. JW